3 Ways To End An Argument With Your Significant Other
Let’s be honest here, when people throw in their two cents about relationships, you judge their advice based on their relationship success. You may have even found yourself immediately rejecting them without consideration. I’ve found myself thinking, “no thank you..you are divorced and I don’t want to follow in your footsteps.” Harsh? Maybe. However, I have learned that people can share good advice based on what they have learned from their failed relationships. Here are a few examples of things I immediately rejected and later decided to test out.
Hold hands while you and your significant other argue. My first thought…”Hell No!” When I am upset, I need to go somewhere and get my thoughts together not hold hands of the person annoying me. What kind of advice is this? Actually, pretty good advice, I’ve found. Holding hands creates a bond, a connection that you can’t deny while in the mist of an argument. I’ll admit, it was tough to stand close enough to hold hands and be angry at the same time. Very quickly the mood changed. You start to realize how many insignificant arguments are occurring. Now, when there is a very serious argument, holding hands during that time can help foster a productive conversation.
If you decide holding hands during an argument is worth trying, you have to commit to holding hands as long as possible. I encourage you to suggest holding hands and take a 10 second break from talking and close your eyes. WARNING: THIS WILL BE THE LONGEST 10 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE. When the time is up continue crying/talking/yelling and see how long before the conversation becomes much more civil.
Stop making accusations. Most of us are guilty of this (you may not fall into this category, but if you’re like me then continue reading, if not make sure to do some true self reflection.) If someone makes you feel a certain way, you have a right to your feelings. No one can tell you what you are feeling is wrong. On the other hand, that does not give you the right to tell someone what their intentions were especially in this text driven society where we read other people’s messages in our own voices with our own assumptions. Instead of telling someone what you think they are doing, tell them how what they did made you feel. You may find that they were unaware of how they made you feel and can be conscious in the future about their actions.
Let’s go with a simple example here. A woman sends a man a text that says she needs help picking out an outfit for an event. Each image sends, he tells her she looks great, but she decides not to go with any of those outfits and sends one last image. He responds “you’re driving me up a wall” — with no punctuation. Stressed out about her selection of outfits she believes he is annoyed that she hasn’t picked something to wear. However, if she hadn’t been caught in her feelings she would have realized he meant that he was turned on by all this image. You probably get the point here. You can see how this would have continued…she responded “you know this is important to me, but you refuse to help me pick one outfit.” Maybe he didn’t know it was important since she didn’t tell him in here initial message or maybe he did know. The point is instead of telling him what she believes he knows she should tell him how she feels instead…ignored, rushed, etc. and she may find that he had no intention of making her feel that way, but on the contrary intended to make her feel confident and sexy.
Hold off on having sex. I know, I know…this one is going to be controversial. Sex makes things complicated. There have been times when I have had a friend tell me about an argument and later find that it was never resolved because they had sex. Later on this same issue resurfaces, but this time worse. Sex prevents us from thinking like reasonable adults and because it makes us feel good we may start to deny the issue is still an issue. Now, don’t get it twisted this is not to say you should with hold sex like a punishment. You should talk and agree that sex will complicate the situation. You may find a willingness to discuss the issue sooner.
Make sure to let me know if you decide to give any of these a shot. Initially, I decided there was no way I was going to try these out, but I found that I should have been open minded. If it works, it works and if not, on to the next. Leave a comment.