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by | Dec 1, 2017 | 3 comments

There are two main questions that people have been asking us since we got married. It’s time to discuss them. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Societies idea of happily ever after needs to change. It doesn’t always mean we follow the old rules. When we rejoined the rest of the world after the wedding, we were constantly asked, “how is it being married?” I used to stop and think, trying to come up with some words because I felt like there was a right answer. To be honest, nothing really changed, besides my name and my bank account balance. The big change happened when we moved in together. Now that people live together (among other things) before they marry, should there really be a change after marriage? I don’t think so and if there is an unexpected change, it’s time for some reflection. What do you think? I’ll leave the detail for another conversation.

We also get asked about having children which is the obvious next step after marriage, right? I say, not for everyone. Of course, you’ll probably never be ready to have kids. I heard you learn as you go. However, they aren’t free and you should have a strong bond between you and your spouse so you can overcome the struggles. If we believe communication and finances are among the top reasons for divorce, can you really discuss children without those two aspects? I think not! Now about the question specifically, it was fine in the beginning because most people know we want to have a few little stinkers. Now, I’m tired of people asking and sharing their input. Not enough people consider the possibilities of why people aren’t having children. What if we can’t have children? miscarried? just can’t afford them? When it all boils down, no matter how good your intentions, these questions about my womb are not your business. Pause, step back. I may love you and appreciate you or I may not even know you, just know this is a conversation for two people and you’re not one of them. I’d really like to know what people are hoping for when they ask. I realized, when I would ask couples, it was because it seemed to be the destined next step in the outline of life that society has created. Clearly that’s not everyone’s reality so I stopped asking. One thing that will break your heart is when you find out that you’ve asked a couple when they plan to have kids and they’re stilling aching from the miscarriage.

Let us be happy in love and enjoy where we are in life at this moment. We will share the answers when we are ready with those who matter to us most.

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