Find Healing Through Your Relationship
In November, we chatted about worthwhile relationship advice to reach relationship goals. Among that advice was the importance of knowing your love language and learning your partners as well (If you missed that conversation, check it out HERE.) Of course, this topic came up again in conversation with some friends and I realized we needed to go a little deeper.
Love is a process, whether you realize it or not. For some of us, it is something that just happens; it’s easy. For others, love is hard work that takes a lot of breaking down walls and forgiveness (of self and others). Let’s be honest. We realize that being vulnerable, being honest, being open to talk, being willing to listen, and being respectful are all necessary parts of being in any relationship, but that does not mean it comes easy. If only sharing your flaws and struggles, could be as simple as sharing a hearty laugh, right?
Laughing, just like being in love has a way of soothing your soul and making you forget your feelings. Then you remember, but the longer you wait, the tougher it becomes to share. You hold off waiting for the right time, but that moment never comes and you think to yourself…talking is hard. And it’s true!
At some point in our lives, we all have things we don’t want to tell people, but when you find yourself in love, you have to think differently about what you’re willing to share. How can you show that person who you truly are and share your most vulnerable moments with them if you don’t want to let them understand how you came to be you, through the good and the bad?
I KNOW I am not alone. There’s times when I feel like I just don’t want to talk about it, butttttt then I find myself upset over something that could have been avoided had I shared how I feel or why I feel the way I do. Do you do this too? Maybe. Maybe not. If you do, then you probably often try to suppress your feelings so you don’t have to talk, only to find yourself becoming less and less able to hide your feelings.
It’s 2018…Let’s try something different. Don’t think about it. Don’t hold it in. Sit down and just talk. Talk about the issue. Talk about what you need. Talk about how they can help you break down this wall. The less you think about it, the more you’ll be willing to talk. When you start to open up you will find some healing. It may not be right away, but it will over time, brick by brick, bring down your wall. Now as I say this, I want you to be sure you are with someone you see a future with and not someone you’re settling for. Don’t settle. There’s no growth and no adventure in settling.
Okay now, let’s take a breath. I mean, this is a lot. As simple or as complicated as this may seem for you, you are not alone. It took me 6 years to finally get up the courage to share my struggle. Geez! Yea, 6 years. And the day I finally did, I was blown away at his support and his patience. Then I realized how ridiculous it was that I was scared to share in the first place. That moment was even more confirmation he was going to be my husband, y’all!
Remember, if it’s bothering you, if it’s hurting you then you should be able to share it and not feel judged. This person is supposed to be your safe place. And that’s when I learned the true beauty of our love. We decided even if we don’t have the words or aren’t ready to talk, we will acknowledge there is an problem or a struggle. We have to stay on the same page about our feelings.
So far, just acknowledging our feelings up front has taken us a long way. It gives us time to figure out some thoughts and not feel pressured. It also holds us accountable to each of our feelings. Don’t hide them. You’ll drown. To keep from letting that happen, we follow up with each other and make sure that we each feel that the door is open to the other. Sometimes, you’ll find that if you just start talking the thoughts come together no matter how jumbled they may have started.
You may not feel like this will work for you. And that’s okay. It takes time and practice. You have to figure out what works for you by simply trying something. No matter what happens, being honest with your feelings is what’s important. Acknowledging your feelings and your issues creates the platform for discussion and solution. Put in that work for you love!
What do you think? Are you still trying to figure out how to tell someone something you have been struggling with? Let’s talk in the comments below.
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